Saturday, October 01, 2005
"Dear Eli, I'm in the middle of the ocean. I haven't left my room in four days. I've never been so lonely in my life, and I think I'm in love with Margot."
Yesterday I realized that chocolate is a nice word. It was beginning to become a disgusting repulsive word what with people saying 'i want to eat chocolate' to no avail or to no one in particular it was beginning to be one of the most annoying words ever. then i read roald dahl's incredible chocolate box and said chocolate to myself a few times and it has a nice clickety sound.
I read Esio Trot and was totally disgusted by Mr. Hoppy. To the innocent mind, it is a lovely little love story. BUT, Mr. Hoppy started twittering around in delight when Mrs. Silver said that if he found a way for Alfie to grow larger, she would be his slave for life, which is disgusting! And maybe the only reason why he likes her is because he watches her from his upper balcony and can look at her big bosom bouncing and flouncing around and bending as she feeds Alfie, whom he pathetically wishes he could be so that he may have Mrs. Silver stroke his shell!!!!!
Another Sunday. Another day of doing things I don't really want to do but do anyway. There is actually not a moment to lose, in doing what we really would love to do. But I am losing moments here. If you look at your life properly, insanely, you would probably quit school and do something like train your body, if you want to join the circus, start writing, if you want to be a writer, do drum rudiments, if you want to be a drummer, start finding a man, if you want to be a mother. The rational, logical, real things to do. I hope I don't sound mad because I am feeling quite mixed up as it is. I had a dream last night about being on a train that crashed, then i eneded up on a bus with lots of people I couldn't communicate with, and they were takin the bus on a bad, long, dangerous, scary way that I didn't want to go, so I forced them to let me get off, after which I was near my house and only needed to take a bus, and it was raining just insanely, so I ran and ran like never before, across the road, just running which is one of the most humane things a person can do, and felt great and I got to the bus-stop and the bus came, I got on soaking in a salmon raincoat or something and sat in front near a kissing couple and then I felt very lonely. Then I woke up and lay there for some time before realising that I was listening to my own crazy heartbeat.
I read yesterday in reader's digest that sex is amazing because it can tone muscles, cure migraines, pump endorphins, make you GLOW, make you look younger, feel younger, feel loved, give you exercise equivalent to cycling a lot or walking a lot and make you feel good. And a doctor was joking that she might start prescribing it. Simply amazing. Natural medicine, for everyone's taking. According to studies, people who have sex are happier and have better marriages (if they're married) and have half the risk of having heart problems. So those in the hospital dying of heart problems are probably lonely old grouches, made worse by the fact that they have been deprived of sex for a very long time. Now isn't that just horrible. Terrible! Remember the healing powers of sex!!
There is gilmore girls today. It is the pivot of the day. Everything I do hinges upon watching gilmore girls later. Everything leads up to watching gilmore girls. I am that obsessed with tv. It's real to me. I already missed last week's episode where Rory is led by Logan to the meeting of the life and death brigade, a secret and exclusive club that has been in Yale for almost a hundred years or something, and they are in the forest! with tents that glow! and he gives her a powder blue gown before persuading her to jump off a 3 storey high scaffold because that is what they do in the life and death brigade, having only tested it with potatoes and not caring about what really happened to the potatoes. AND, Lane and zach had a date, right in the house that they share with the other nerdy bandmate who wanted to join in when they sat down to watch the movie the 3 of them watched the night before, except zach was in his underwear the previous night. so they shooed him away because it was a date, and they both had fun. in their house.
I constantly feel that I am waiting for something to happen. and when it does, maybe in days or years, i will not come back and i will finally do everything i ever wanted to. but now it's a sunday with my father reminding me about work and i wish the neighbours would move in soon so that the windows facing my room will be lighted and aglow every night and day. happy holidays.
moled at 10/01/2005 08:30:00 PM
Monday, September 26, 2005
Good night, your high-ness lime-ness why don't you just choke on a sweet
Even though it's obviously good to be practical, i somehow think that when people sigh and tell you to be realistic that you can't trust them, or maybe that's just wanting to hear from people who will agree with your fluffy happy dreams. I spent the day watching the entire fourth season of sex and the city (could not stop) and at night I read the NUS bulletin book which has detailed information about the courses and even the modules. And again I got obsessed with thinking about what I could study and do. I just can't stop thinking about things like that. Of course it's good to live in the now, no, NOW, NOW!!!!! But I still think. I wish they had greek studies, combining ancient greek language, greek theatre, politics, philosophy, culture, way of life, architecture. that would be awesome. anyone too realistic is bound to be miserable.
My brother is mean. It's terrible but funny. His good friends sound like suave boys (to lots of other girls in school. when they come over, they pleasantly eat their food, occassionally making loud comments, and one of them takes off his shirt in my brother's room) whom girls like and try to get close to, and they try to oblige by replying to happy messages from the girls and stay away from those who eventually become obsessed, while my brother stands by the side sniggering, cynical and loving it. His friends are going to pay him $2 for telling a girly girl in his class who whines about being cold in lecture theatres, to 'shut up lah' because she has folds of fat to protect her. And he will not hesitate to snigger at the 'lesser', insanely competitive boy(s) in his class who become devastated by not getting an A in physics and swears to mosquitoes that he will 'show them' and get 4As because he got dengue during the september holidays AND who pants and tries to be the best at chapteh. They sound sadly mad (and I really mean mad) more than anything. People shouldn't be subjected to crazy environments like that, it's absurd! Can't everyone be as sincerely appreciatively kindly strangely human as all the people in Wes Anderson's films (rushmore, royal tenenbaums, life aquatic) even when there's hatred and grudges and arguments. 'Wanna shake hands?' Sometimes I think I would like to harm unkind people. Like when someone calls someone else retarded and really means it. A chopper ought to appear and severe a finger from that person's hand. What kind of person really calls someone else retarded, really. And then pretend to be all nice and popular. It's so phony I could puke. I'm turning into holden caulfield. I hate phoniness but I am phony.
'Everytime I give you a blowjob, I feel like I'm flossing' said Samantha from sex and the city.
I realised that the reason the male nudity in the play was no big deal eventually was because I've seen naked male roman and greek statues like the statue of david. Silly me. What is everyone doing now? We live in a cosmic universe where almost nothing matters except peace, love, sex and happiness. 'But nothing's okay' (jude law bawling) 'then it's okay' (existentialist detective in i heart huckabees) 'i still wish i could breathe underwater' ned kingsley plimpton zissou. Have you fed the fish today? Tell all your bloody friends you don't care what they think and eat lemon while smelling hair.
moled at 9/26/2005 07:20:00 AM
