Saturday, December 04, 2004
Hello Sunday! The best day of the week.
The Sunday paper never fails to fascinate me. Today there is a three-page special on why Singaporeans don't want to have sex, except it sort of deviates to talk about why Singaporeans don't want children, and this woman actually said that 'children are like parasites, they are like the mushrooms growing on the tree, feeding on the host'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another woman said she has sex with her husband just because 'it is part of love and marriage', which has got to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. anyway a lot of them don't have sex because of 'fatigue from work', because at the end of the day they are so stressed out and irritated with their job and frankly rather tired. then, wouldn't the logical solution be sex?!?!?!?!! how stupid they all are.
There was a lovely camping special (CALL OF THE WILD)!!!!! apparently site A at sembawang park has a lot of coconut trees to make you think that it is a sandy beach when it isn't. this man owns 11 different types of tents, another family as an 8-people tent and play games in their tent when they camp. i didn't know tents were differentiated like that, so now i want a 6-people tent, and to go camping at sembawang park.
Then there was an article about celebrities giving their children very outrageous names. the writer reckons that julia roberts giving her twins names like hazel and phinneaus is insane, and he says that we don't live in the era of "John" and "Mary" any longer (or "Paul"). (HEY! How'd he know that John and Mary were meant to be together?!) Sylvester Stallone named his daughter Sage Moonblood or something (MOONBLOOD), and others gave names like Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Sailor, Sistine Rose, Tallulah Belle, Fifi Trixibelle. And a 'creatively uncreative' boxer named 5 out of 10 children George. I can't wait to have children. Little Leos and Lolitas. Or Johns and Joans.
Funny, my horoscope today is uncannily accurate.
I brought my sister to ballet today, and was for some minutes, in the moronic girlish world of little ballerinas with their proud parents watching on, or talking psychotically to other little girls about flu jabs and whether they were scared of the needles (do you, fat yogi bear, talk to little squatting alone girls about things like the size of the needle, and smile at them with those protruding manic eyes of yours?! no, overweight father, no!). little girls, all around me, in their dainty little suits, the pink ones looked sickening, i liked the white ones, with the translucent printed flare skirts (mainly because the pink ones were old enough to be sufficiently moronic), in their flat pigeon chests and parents trying to make conversation in the world of candy floss and prancing princesses (their very own, too).
I found a reindeer jumper in my house today hanging in the garden!!!!!!!!!!!! just like mark darcy!!!!! and i will use it for my holiday!!!! yesterday i bought 2 cosy oak and blue-grey coloured long pants. and we went for the jc bandfest, the highlight being the donkey who lankily sat and slouched and looked at the audience with his wavy locks seemingly bouncing and as he played his clarinet seemed to be neighing like a happy camel or donkey. and the snare drum player from pioneer junior college looking like a jolly snakecharmer. guys are so much more aggressive in playing percussion instruments! i can't believe i missed the season finale of malcolm in the middle for the concert.
I would very much like to give everyone a t-shirt for christmas with something printed on it, and i was thinking of what each one would have written on their t-shirt. for example, desiree could have 'love', carol with 'HEY JUDE' and esmonde with 'SEXY BEAST'. my brother really should have 'your stupidity never ceases to amaze me', our favourite childhood phrase. please tell me if you know any t-shirt printing place, i really want to print them!!!!!
time for sunday afternoon tea, with no one in particular! tomorrow there will be christmas effervescence. know what would make a weird but great christmas present?! go around to hair salons collecting hair from the floors, and use that as christmas presents!!!!! then your friends would have samples of strangers' hairs, and they can touch and sniff it, and the mystery lies in not knowing whose hair it is!!!!!!!! THAT'S what i call a REAL present. or, a mister bean's diary!!!!!! i can remember it as if i just read it, even though i lent it to miss jo about 4 years ago. where is it, john bean?!?!?!?!!
THE SIMS: MARY STARSHINE (DERANGED MOTHER WITH PEEWEE HELICOPTER HAT AND HAWAIIAN COSTUME) ALLOWED DAUGHTER LOLITA STARSHINE (HIPPY GIRL WHO HATES DOING HOMEWORK AND HAS A WHOLE LOT OF PURPLE AND LILAC FACE PAINT AND WEARS STRIPED JEANS) TO GO OUT ONE NIGHT WITH LOLITA'S LOVER RANDY NEWMAN. MARY HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH JOHN LENNON, THOUGH THE INTENTION WAS FOR THE TEENAGER LOLITA TO DO SO. CURRENT INTENTION: DON'T LET YOKO ONO KNOW THAT MARY AND JOHN ARE IN LOVE. ALSO MAKE YOKO MAIN LOVER IN JOHN LENNON'S LIFE, AND MAKE LOLITA MORE REBELLIOUS AND RUN AWAY FROM HOME. CREATE ALSO A RINGO STARR (SLACKER MAN) ROOMING WITH A WHOLE LOT OF HIPPY TEENAGERS WHO DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO HIM AND RUN AWAY TO YOKO'S ZEN ABODE WHERE THEY FIND PEACE IN MEDITATION AND USING HER TOILET WITH TINY PEBBLES FLOORING.
Bye unresponding imbeciles of the world. I will free your mind with pictures of clouds this christmas, and a little eyeliner for that gothic look and feeling is always a remedy for....imbecilic behaviour, or maybe a useless eyelash curler...MAYBE a towel in your favourite colour! OR, a burnt video of john lennon kissing yoko ono in the sims (for those who like watching animated characters kiss tenderly/romantically/peck/etc.), or a collection of photos of your favourite thing, or some nail polish and a new diary or just the perfect honey roasted almonds that will give you short-lived pleasure for a few minutes (only), or a pair of drumsticks to give you a whole new hobby and excitement. whatever the person, i have the perfect lovely remedy for this sunny holiday season in singapore where people don't want sex. just from mary smith.
moled at 12/04/2004 10:41:00 PM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
READ this entire chunk, part of a review by a man called Michael on the Sims, hilarious!
So like I said I got my Sim a job in the medical field and the first day on the job the bad boy was promoted I boosted up his skill levels by making him practice a speech in the mirror and study cleaning and mechanical and he continued to be promoted regularly. One day a Nina Caliente walked by and I had my Sim greet her. Mike and Nina became involved. Mike purposely bought a bed big enough for two Sims just to WOOHOO with Nina, one of Mikes wants was to WOOHOO. Mike and Nina fell in love and eventually got married. When Mike and Nina got married he noticed Nina had a Sister named Dina who I could move in. Knowing that my Sim was going to be a dog of a man I decided to move Dina in and both Mike and Dina Immediately hit it off. Nina and Dina however did not have a job and even though they brought in 38k to the Family I wanted Nina and Dina to work so I got them both jobs in the law enforcement field. Dina however got promoted faster then Nina and was able to spend a lot of a lone time with Mike. Mike with his Chief of Staff status (The highest you can get in the medical field) also had a really high amount of aspiration and a lot of aspiration points. He decided to get the love tub an aspiration tool and invited Dina to use it. Mike and Dina although not wanting each other for marriage ended up having WOOHOO countless times together in the love tub and made a baby. Four days after having the WOOHOO that got Dina pregnant a stork brought a baby girl to the family a girl that I named Amanda. Dina and Nina both got old rather fast after the baby. However Mike continued to purchase an aspiration tool. A liquid that would keep him young. Nina and Dina both turned gray and moved out. Amanda died one day. I have no clue why as of yet. Mike begged the grim reaper not to take her away but to no avail. Mike mourned and went crazy some physiatrists came from the sky and made Mike sane again. Mike then quit his job as the Chief of Staff and stayed home doing nothing. He did have over 500,000 simoleons in his account. But that got rather boring some Mike decided to get a new job in politics. Mike already had really high skill in everything and was promoted fast. He had over 10 friends and before he knew it Mike was the Mayor. And that’s where it currently stands.
moled at 12/02/2004 07:06:00 AM
THE SIMS UPDATE:
TODAY:
I went to John's house to control him, and when he called Yoko she put down after saying 'thanks for waking me up so late' and then when she came over he tried to joke and flirt and give a friendly hug but she resisted almost everything (oh, bad yoko!!!!!!!) and their relationship went up, and down, and up and down, fluctuating
Then I went to Yoko's house to control her, and found that on her side her relationship level with john had halved and i was devastated! so she invited him over and they chatted and joked and complimented each other. love blossomed when they started to flirt and charm each other! hearts bubbled into the air! (and a nice bubbly sound was played) so they started to hug each other, leap into each others' arms and kiss and tickle. perverse, obviously. more puzzling thing! there are so many different types of kisses!!!!! tender, romantic, make out, smooch, peck and more. how puzzling. i must make them kiss more to observe the differences between the kisses. how they both giggle and laugh now with each other and have no resistance anymore. yoko even told john a dirty joke and wiggled her butt in the process. i got a nice shot of that. that is however, i think, very unlike her in real life. so both their pink hearts symbolising crushes turned red symbolising LOVE! and their daily relationship and lifetime relationship meters became full and their moods turned electric white, the highest it can go!
Anyway, i am severely disappointed in yoko!!!!!!!!!!! her aspirations changed and she desires to have 1 more lifetime lover other than john (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and she wants to MAKE OUT with THREE other sims (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! unloyal yoko!!!!!!!!!!!!! how could she?!?!?!?!!!!!!! WORSE, under fears, she is now fearful of engagement with john, because she is afraid of lifetime commitment!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD SHE?! Yoko is faithful to john and recognises that he is the one she should spend the rest of her life with! she should not be behaving this way! i must find a way to get her to accept commitment! and not end up realising john's fear of having his proposal to yoko rejected! maybe after some sex she will agree! good point! i will make them have sex tonight!
though, on a nicer note, yoko's strongest fear is that john will die. hence, i must take every precaution necessary to make sure his kitchen does not catch fire.
I am also going to create an entire neighbourhood of rebellious hippy teenagers who are playful and not serious, sloppy, some nice, some grouchy. and make a lot of them fall in love with john lennon and grow up and have babies with each other. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
I just filled my 5 cavities. the cavities were humongous holes that shocked me. the largest was about half the size of my pinky fingernail and DEEP. i have an artefact of a piece of tooth decay, want to look?!?!?!?!! it looks like ear wax but a bit darker and it is apparently soft but anyway it dried up so now it feels like hard ear wax.
I am very puzzled by the amount of layers to wear inside when i go on my holiday!!! it will be near zero degrees. and all the adults chorused 'NOOO!!!!!' when I asked if you need to wear any shirt on top of long-johns. but WHY?! i intend to bring a few. so the layers will be as follows: bra, long-johns (odd, since long johns is supposed to be like underwear), shirt (odd if it is short sleeved since long johns are long sleeved. unless they go and it is like u are wearing it on purpose), pullover, blood red wool sweater, woolly-inside-maroon-windbreaker sweater, and polkadot scarf and funny hat and ear muffs and tights and long johns pants and jeans/pants and woolly socks. the bloody huge black trenchcoat makes me feel like a stiff robot cum hong kong serial murderer, so i am chucking it. confusing! i want ear muffs!!!!!!!!! and i want the spikes back so under all that clothing i look like a boy and if i have spikes then my head will feel cool and icy. i intend to sit by myself or with suhern on the plane and watch movies. also, write in my diary and make friends with the 2 vjc boys going, a chun hern and a kevin, both apparently humble good little boys, sons of his friends (that is why). however i doubt they are really like that, and i am glad there are fellow teenagers on the trip and su hern my cousin!!!!!! i will be his nanny and wash his underwear for him!!!!!!!!!!!
amazing race now, go horny hellboy and acting couple and spunky grandparents!
have a twinkly dinky holiday season.
moled at 12/02/2004 05:30:00 AM
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could see Sylvester's father's armpit hair as he clapped.
ANYHOW, the announcement was too sudden. You would expect gurmit to pause and moronically milk the moment for all its worth as he usually does. Maybe something in him told him to just shout it out. Sylvester was dressed almost exactly the way Clay was as they announced the results on American Idol!!!!!!!! Tuxedo with blue shirt inside! and he lost, just like clay! AH, but clay WON eventually. (go to amazon.com to see his christmas cd) My aunties decided to support Sylvester, one says she is convinced that Taufik plucked his eyebrows and she thinks that is absolutely inappropriate for a male. The other thinks that Sylvester is more 'soft' in his singing, obviously agreeable. every single one of my friends is voting for taufik and thinks it is the obvious choice, but why!!!! Oh! I didn't even any confirmation messages for voting! what could that mean?!?!! and poor, poor, dick lee! so little screams, when I think his performance was extremely pleasant.
Su Hern said that during the 'the phenomenon' show Jerry was interviewed and he said that during an autograph signing session this female fan got to him, realised it was him and shrieked, 'EE!! JERRY!!!! YUCK!!!!' Poor smiley boy who smiles at no one cheering at him!
I swam today, Alone Again, Naturally. On the 11th lap a woman by the side of the pool, the only person by the side of the pool, the one whom I was counting on to call for help should anything happen to me since i was utterly and absolutely alone in the bucket of a million sparkling diamonds, left. On my 14th it threatened to rain. On my 16th I was happy. I finished my 20th and relaxed and breathed, realising how strenuous it was. I went home on 138 the zoo bus and saw tourists, a white odd looking caucasian couple contrasted with a tan looking one especially.
UPDATE ON THE SIMS
TODAY:
I created Yoko Ono, and because the sims is so amazing you can alter at least 9 things for each feature (FOR EXAMPLE, FOR THE EYES, YOU GET TO CHOOSE EYE ORBIT, WIDTH, PROTRUSION, LENGTH, ETC. ETC. ETC. AND FOR LIPS YOU CHOOSE THICKNESS OF UPPER AND LOWER LIP ETC. ETC. SO YOU CAN CREATE ANYONE FROM REAL LIFE RIGHT THERE INTO YOUR COMPUTER), and they have things like costume makeup, sunglasses (choose from MANY), hairstyles, everyday clothes, formal clothes, sports attire, underwear, swimsuit, PERSONALITY, biography, EVERYTHING!!!!!! So, it does look a lot like Yoko Ono, since I was referring to a picture of her. Asian girl, i made her with short messy hair, thick eyebrows, not large eyes, thin japanese lips, knee high black socks, black shoes, short black dress and thick white fur jacket with thick black sunglasses. and then i gave her this incredible house, with neardirt and sand and tiny pebbles as flooring and chinese masks, and oriental lamps, chairs, exploding dragon tables, korean instrument hanging from the wall and a very minimalistic thing. her house is called yoko's abode, and the best thing is that she stays opposite john lennon's house, called the summer of love house. john lennon does look like himself, and his house has a lot of explosive retro prints, hearts and red stuff. it is a diagonal house and it is very very odd. the best thing is that they have things in common in their houses. their bedrooms have simple windows with hearts in them, john's is red, yoko's is green, and they have gates with hearts in them, and daisies planted outside their doors! also, they have red and purple cherry-blossom-plum-or-something trees! for yoko since she is japanese and for john since they are passionate coloures. Both have love aspirations and have aspirations like woohoo (meaning sex), flirting, meeting someone new, falling in love, being best friends with someone and so on. THEY CALLED JOHN LENNON A HOPELESS ROMANTIC. both want to work in the slacker career, so they are, they are golf caddies, may be promoted to beggar soon. i made john lennon write a novel on his computer and made yoko write in her diary!!! and i took tons of pictures of them!!!!! and as i was controlling yoko in her absolutely zen minimalistic interesting house, john came over, and instead of really knocking he came straight in and now they are good friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOMORROW
Make John and Yoko best friends, get promoted in their jobs, and woohoo (have sex) maybe make john propose to yoko, YAAAAY!!!!! then i can create tons of hippy teenagers in the woodstock neighbourhood (in which i added a lot of clouds, rainbows, white daisies, blue flowers and birds) and they can be REBELLIOUS (like running away from home) and wreck psychedelic havoc!!!!!!!!!!! and if i play long enough they will all age, and then they can be grandparent hippies. Maybe create some real-life friends and place them there to laugh at! i can, for example, make desiree seduce john and then yoko can fight with her and slap her and they can have a brawl. but no, yoko is too peaceful and desiree wouldnt use physical violence. we'll see.
going to write santa's letter now, and still feeling sorry for Sylvester's father for armpit exposure. have a holy jolly christmas!!!! PLANETSOCKS.COM
moled at 12/01/2004 05:44:00 AM
Monday, November 29, 2004
Good morning. It seems I'm not really at peace after all, because I just shouted at my sister for not wanting to help her ask my grandmother if she can go play with her friend, and i blame all this on my dreams! they ALL (quite sure) come in the morning, after my 8am alarm rings and i just push it down and go back to sleep, and then it all comes!!!!! tomorrow i MUST get out of bed at the 8am alarm! last last night the dream was about lions coming to get me, then me, shaun and desiree running away from lions, then this thing about sarah's birthday and we're testing shaun's road-boarding (wake-boarding) equipment vehicle. and the first thing i saw when i awoke this morning was 'what went wrong?' on channel 5, where in istanbul, there was a shipyard disaster and many firemen were injured, it was funny that i actually wanted to cry when i watched it!
Songwriter James Wong said that if you are in love with someone, even the sound of her peeing in the middle of the night will be music to your ears. Well, I suppose, unless the person has diabetes, and all you can think of is how much the pee stings and how the urine is sweet and will attract ants to the toilet bowl, so, 'remember to flush!.........(my diabetic lover!!!!!!)'
Cameron Diaz said, "I am a 14-year-old boy inside." Yes! Go Cameron! (hey! boy's name!) Take an obsessive interest in 14-year-old girls, and discover all sexual terms as if for the first time.
Poor sister. Her 8-year-old friend Kelly is home with her maid, and can't get permission to come over just because her parents are working and she is home taking care of her grandmother and her dog (her dog!). I mean, poor Kelly. Oh, god, now my sister has called Kelly's mother! The dainty little ballerina girls are going to be happy today, because they can play. I expect Kelly will be a little ballerina soft-spoken girl. I hope I am wrong, I want her to be a boisterous little elf.
Please write your christmas wishlists soon, seeing as today is the last day of November.
Dear Santa (though I know you don't really exist, yet I want to delude myself into thinking that there is a greater force out there that is you who will aid me in eternal happiness),
All I want for Christmas is:
blah blah
blah blah
blah blah blah
Love,
your name
And burn it without showing it to anyone. Except maybe run like a drooling baby to your illiterate grandparent and pant and jump on the spot while passing the paper to him/her and when he/she has frowned at it, snatch it, giggle disgustingly, let out some phlegm and run away to burn it.
Dear maths people and anyone else who wants to come, is next monday-wednesday, 5-8 december alright? please bring toothbrushes and maths everything and clothes and swimming things if you want to swim and any nice movies to watch. recipe books are welcome too, as we can cook. i hope we live alright with each other. if you don't bring a toothbrush i expect by day 3 anyone who speaks to you will be on the verge of vomitting projectile vomit and bring shavers too if you want. fresh clean underwear is welcome too. please tell me if you can make it.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! and if you have the urge to do something to your hair this holiday season, dye it red and green, or get some LOVELY GRASS SPIKES. I miss those painfully but I am willing my hair to grow into a shaggy dark real black mop that comes down to my eyes by January.
moled at 11/29/2004 09:15:00 PM
YI-PEEEEEEEHHHHH.
I played Cluedo today for the first time in my life and it was very very thrilling. I won my first cluedo game in my life! COLONEL MUSTARD and msis scarlett MUST have an affair. it's extremely psychological and mental, this game. and we (me, carol, yuhui, and carol's sister) played the game of life, which i always wanted to play, first time too. spinning the wheel is so fun, and getting $100,000 as salary is so fun. i had a yellow car with me being sebastian a man, and when i got married, i married gustav so that i could spawn a family of gays, YES!!!!! mm, yes. then when i got onto the square that said 'Twins!' i screamed and got leo and reuben, and leo drove, while reuben sat in the next row, and me and gustav kissed in the back seat. tee hee hee. then, carol who was a woman (obviously) had a female partner and got a 'baby boy!' as the square said and sold me the baby for $5000, because, obviously, she wanted a family of GIRLS. so my family was nearly full! then she wanted it back, so she took it (name: jerry, then jamie) and put it in the matchbox they use to store the little boys and girls to attach to the cars, and she went 'operation room!' and shook the box. yuhui had a normal family, she and her husband, then she decided to throw him into the river! so she was an independent woman riding through the game of life. and colleen, was a man with a female spouse and a baby girl! i became a grandparent, and then jamie (girl now) fell in love with leo, who was fortunately not influenced by his parents. that is, the game of life.
the beatels concert was truly magical. we lay there like contented hippies if you may. on the picnic mat, on desiree's stomach at some point. the beatels!!!! if they had been real i think i would have cried. john lennon was in red shades for the second half, and they were all in sergeant peppers' costume for the second half. Oh, John Lennon, with his shaggy brown mop. She Loves You, Twist and Shout. George the mummy with the housewife brown wig!!!!! HEEHEEE!!!! and paul had a shrivelled pruney black wig!! boo, paul (i say meekly). paul isn't like that. ringo!!!!! shaggy old english sheepdog, with black shaggy hair and bobbing head and who plays the drumset oddly with his left hand shaking from left to right as he plays the drumset! i felt truly at peace and happy that night, and it hasn't worn off. they played Imagine (JOHN'S SONG), sergeant pepper's, penny lane, i wanna hold your hand, yellow submarine, help!, and so on, and the mindblowing surprise was HEY JUDE as the encore. kids were dancing on the stage, the gay host was touching the little boy and we were all cursing him (even conan and his friends) and then, that was the end of that. PENNY LANE, IS IN MY EARS AND IN MY EYES. THERE BENEATH THE BLUE SURBABAN SKIES.
we slept in beatles t-shirts that night, with stars and planets on the walls looking like circles and squares without spectacles, how utterly pathetic.
"Sing along with me, Na na na, na na na na, na na na na, hey jude. na, na na, na na na na, na na na na, hey juda, juda, juda, juda, OWWWWW" screeched lemon Lennon.
moled at 11/29/2004 06:06:00 AM
